Where does this leave me?

I am so confused. I thought that I had a plan and then when I was told that if I wanted to start back at Marshall in January - I would have to start over from scratch. No way, no how.

Now what?

Most logically - finish my already close to being done degree at JBC. Sounds simple enough.

If only it were simply . . . .

JBC won't let me take any classes that I need at other colleges and transfer. so, here are my options . . . .

Plan A: I have to CLEP (which I am not smart enough to CLEP Bio or History - which I need both) and beg on my knees while promising my first born child to the Distance Learning office at JBC that no, it will not take me another 2 years to finish two classes.
Problem: Um, I just don't see any of that happening.

Plan B: leaving my husband, my bunnies, my house, my work, my kids and moving back to JBC to finish up the last 4 classes (assuming I pass Systemic Theology tomorrow night) and work a job with enough hours to still make a house payment and some utilities. And if I pass those last 4 classes, then I would be able to actually, one and for all, graduate in the spring. 3 years later than originally scheduled.
Problem: Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it! I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE MY HUSBAND for 16 weeks.

Plan C: Try and CLEP 2 classes over and over again till I pass. And contact KCU to see about attending class for my last 2 bible classes. Possibly - but retarded JBC will more than likely reject the credits unless I am on campus.
Problem: The whole CLEP thing and who knows if KCO others the specif 2 classes I need.


I need to finish up this useless degree so that my husband will be proud of me. So that my family will quick saying behind my back 'she shouldv'e waited on getting married'. So that Rick's family won't look at me like a complete loser.

I don't know what to do. Expect grit me teeth and get this horrible experience over with so that I can move on with my life.

I just wish I knew how to do that . . . . .

I am ready to FLY . . . .

I have accomplished day one, baby step One: Shine your sink. And I am very proud of myself. All I wanted to do was go to bed and watch some Netflix but I pushed myself to clean my kitchen so that I could shine my kitchen sink!
I am going to get control of my house and in turn my life. One day; one baby step at a time!

Days 5-11

I had intentions of typing out day by day of the rest of our trip, but I didn't do while on my trip and of course once getting back home I have no time. :0( So I am blogging my daily Facebook status to finish off the rest of our trip. I do have pictures - over 600 of them to be exact - but have not even looked at them yet.

Day 4 (Phoenix/Vegas): Visited more with Raquel, drove through the desert to the Grand Canyon, continued driving to Las Vegas, checked our cool hotel room, ate dinner at the Treasure Island Buffet, caught some of the TI pirate show and then called it a night.

Day 5 (Vegas): did some exploring and shopping on my own and when the guys got out of 'work' we power walked up and down part of the strip. Ate dinner at the #1 buffet in Vegas- the desserts were to die for!! :0)

Day 6 (Las Vegas): slept in, cruised the strip, found Chipotle, took some pics, surfed the net at McDonalds, ate dinner at the Bellagio buffet (yuck), saw the Circus De Cirlie show 'O' (amazing!) and the walked around Caesars Palace. My body is extremely sore!

Day 7 (Las Vegas): Spent most of the day at the Hoover Dam. The evening we ate in the Eiffel Tower and hit the last few places on my to-do list. We ended the evening with some slot machines - the hotel gave each of us $20 so we spent that and 'made' $25 between the two of us!

Day 8 (Las Vegas/Salt Lake City): Packed/checked out of our amazing room in the Encore, lunch with Rick & Brett at the Pizza Place, did some tourist shopping, and then hit the road to Utah! After many, many, many hours we finally arrived at our last destination of our trip - Salt Lake city.

Day 9 (Salt Lake City): Spent some time at BackCountry.com - the warehouse, lunch at Cheesecake Factory, shopping downtown, swimming and playing with Logan and Sarah, and ended the night with Panda Express and BONES.

Day 10 (Salt Lake City): Rick skied at Snowbird for 3 hours on fresh powder, then we drove to Park city and walk around, and ate dinner at the Blue Iguana.

Day 11 (Salt Lake City): we walked around the Temple grounds, after some confusion about canceled flights, switching airlines and flight times, we visited the REI store, went back to the airport, had CPK for lunch, said good-bye to the majestic Utah mountains, spent hours on airplanes and in airports and finally arrive...d safely back in Charleston WV. Very sad that our wonderful Western vacation is over. :0(

I had a wonderful time on our trip! And I can't wait for the next just Rick and Julia vacation!

First Three days . . .

As I type, I am sitting out in the beautiful dark night of Arizona. (And I mean dark, they don't believe in lots of streets lights because it hinders your view of the stars. How cool!?! )The pool is to my right, the fireplace is sitting on my left and the dessert mountain is sitting directly in front of me. Life is good. Very good at the moment. :0)

Rick and I have had a wonderful trip so far. Let me start at the beginning -

We flew out of Charleston on Friday evening, had a small lay-over in Houston (my first time in Texas!)and finally landed in Phoenix around 11:30 local time. By the time we got our rental car, and discovered that even a McDonalds in Arizona serves unsweet tea with 10 splendas,drove 45 minutes to our family/friends home it was 1 am local - 3 am WV time! I was beat and not very with it!

Saturday we spent visiting and getting to know our host family. Raquel is the sister of Rick's Aunt April. I have never met her or her family - Rick had only meet her once. They have a gorgeous home! And are very friendly, love to talk and feed us!
:0)
We finally got motivated and left the house around 2 pm and went shopping at an outlet mall. Rick found some dress pants, I drank a yogurt/fruit smoothie and Rick had some pretzel bites.
From there we headed to the a place called Rawhide. It is a real life western town with cowboys, guns, burros and beer. It was free to enter the town and some of the activities cost money. We paid to see the Arizona Roughriders do a little gig and then just walked around. I bought some John Wayne magnets in the gift shop that I can't wait to put up on my fridge!
We meet Raquel and Maurell for dinner at a place called Flo's. It is VERY similar to P.F. Changs but a local place. It was real yummy food!
We came home and asked if we could light a fire and sit outside on the deck. We did and it was FREEZING! It was only 62 degrees but we had on our coats and toboggans! Deserts temps do not compare to WV temps!

Sunday we attended church with our host family and then headed to the Phoenix Zoo. Rick and I have never been to a zoo together so I was super excited! We saw lots of cool animals and walked a ton! I can't really say what was my favorite exhibit. They had a GIGANTIC tortuous that was pretty cool, but I also like the lions, giraffes, koalas, zebras, etc. :0)
Our host family's 14 year son has been in a play all weekend and we attended the afternoon performance. It was "Guys and Dolls Jr" and they did a great job! It was kids ages 7-14 only and I was very impressed.
Now we are just chilling out at the house. I am typing this and listening to my Jack Johnson songs while Rick takes a night hike up the mountain. This trip has been wonderful so far and I can't wait to see the Grand Canyon, Vegas, Hoover Dam, and Salt Lake City - all in the next 8 days!

Prospective Minister preaching today. Very mixed emotions and wishing I wasn't here. :0(

Operation Christmas Child Planning

Some how, some way, I was put in charge of our church doing Operation Christmas Child. And my Back to school drive supplies that I collected for Haiti were volunteered for the shoe boxes.

All by my wonderful mother-in-law (she is most of the time - just not when she puts me in charge of things) I am trying to avoid KWCC as much as I possible can and still keep my marriage in tact and being in charge of a project makes that VERY hard!

Ok, back to the project - our kick - off party is this Sunday night and I am in charge of coming up with what needs to go on. Do you know that all the information I am finding is about having PACKING parties - not a kick-off? So that means I am planning this thing form scratch - and I DON"T DO THAT! I have ideas, and I know what needs to go on but am not sure I have enough material to keep people busy for one and half hours!

The more I am getting into this, the more excited I am about helping kids in other countries. I was never against the mission - just the way that we came about me being put in charge. I have decide that my daycare kids will be filling 2 boxes - one boy, one girl 5-9 years old. I really hope that they get into it and find it exciting that they will be helping other kids just like them!

I hope that I can pull this off and that we can touch the lives of some little kids (hopefully in Haiti!)

Away I go!

I am off to camp for the weekend! I am SO excited! It has been a CRAZY stressful overworked week at the daycare and I am SUPER ready to relax and take some pictures. It is the peak weekend for Pocohantas county this weekend and I aim to take full advantage! :0) Rick and a few other men will be cutting and stacking firewood (the purpose of the trip) but I will be relaxing with a good book (or a BONES episode) relaxing away and thinking of NOTHING! I am so happy right now . . . .!

Life

I finally have internet in my house! And I have a new (to me new) computer but yet I still have not found time to blog. I have 'written' so many blogs in my head but by the time I get home I forgot what I was thinking about or I start working on another project etc. I am hoping to change that - not promising much to begin with but am ready to get back in to writing down my thoughts, feelings, and everyday life happenings.

Where to begin?
Work: is the same ole drama. Co-worker wise. And me being the boss's daughter and personal helper in the office that means I am stuck in the middle of alot of it. :0/ I love the kids. I am still having a hard time adjusting to my new class of kids - mainly cause they are such bad behaved kids! But as my mother/boss has to keep reminding me - they are still new to my class room and rules where as my other kids have been with me and my rules for over a year and are used to me. I just thought that after 2 months I would be used to them and them to me - but not so much.

School: I buckled down and FINALLY (one year later) took my ACTS final. I passed the class. PRAISE THE LORD!!! Such a relief! Since I have passed that class, I have a few options to choose from. I can now graduated from JBC with a 2 yr degree and walk away from there and never have to deal with those cranky old ladies again or . . . . go through more pain, money, fights, and tears and finish the last 4 classes to graduate with the degree that I will never use. The 2 yr is looking pretty good to me right now. :0)
Still thinking and dragging my feet about going 'back' to school at Marshall in the spring to get my Pre-K teaching degree. Yes, that is a profession that I would LOVE to go into but I am not sure if 4 more years of school will be worth it. By the time I would finally and completely finish school - according to my time line (God of course always has completely control and His own timing) I want to be a stay at home mommy with 1 maybe even 2 babies! So is all that work and money really worth it?

House: a work in progress. Yes, I am still unpacking. It is hard to unpack when I have nothing to unpack into. And I have nothing to unpack into cause we are trying to save money to buy the things we need for the house. We have been trying to sell my Trooper all summer long but have not been successful. Once we sell it we can buy our bedroom suite and have dressers and drawers to put our clothes into instead of just laying around in boxes, bags and laundry baskets. My kitchen is unpacked. Which is super nice. Rick has been doing a few small projects for me in there and it is slowly but very nicely coming together. I am struggling to keep the house clean. And all I have to complain about is a husband and a dog! :0)

Animals: We finally have part custody of Charlie dog. lol He is supposed to be living with us full time but for one reason or another we have shared him about half and half with my in-laws. I am not complaining! Just find it slightly amusing. :0) I am struggling with having a dog in the house. Even though he is a Grey hound, he still sheds, still smells, still sneaks onto my couch and gets into my trash.Grrrrr
Rabbits - our 'baby' bunnies are no longer babies and are full grown giants! Literally! Smoky quickly outgrew her problems and looks very healthy and Bandits is such a handsome fellow who's only problem has been ear mites. I can't wait for the spring when Smokey and Bandit will make some pretty babies for us! And Jacob's loppy giant is still hanging with us. Spunkette is doing well - fat and happy. Samson is getting big. He didn't take to nice to the new little turtle so the newbie turtle hangs in a tank by himself.

Church: well, church deserves a whole blog about itself.

Family: In the month of August and September we made it to every grandparents house and spent time with them (except Grandma Mehok, but that is a WHOLE another story), Every one is doing well - getting old. Grandma Ronk just had breast cancer surgery over the weekend. She seems to be doing well and we are praying that the doctors were able to get all of the cancer of her body.

OK, I will end for now. Rick will be coming home from church soon and I am not sure what our plans are for the rest of the evening. Maybe and hopefully soon I will blog more! :)

My heart is heavy and sad. :0(

Church is no longer a delight but a duty. A very hard duty.

We need the Apostle Paul to come to KWCC and smack around a few people and have this 'church' become a real place of worship and not just for show or cause it's the right thing to do.

Boomsday Weekend

This weekend was great and went by WAY to quickly!! A few quick highlights:
~Jess and Jonathon's wedding was simple, nice and very them. That will only make sense if you know them. :0)
~Church was SUPER at FCC. I really miss normal worship service where I can truly worship God and not think about church politics.
~All the junk but super yummy food I ate this weekend made me sick to my stomach. :0(
~Saw Mary's new place and Sarah and Joe's new place. Excited for both of them.
~Boomsday was CRAZY packed - est 400,000 people! The fireworks were AMAZING!!! The best fireworks show in the WORLD!!!
Now we are leaving and I am sad. I miss beautiful TN and all my friends.

Week 3 of weight loss - 1 pound.
Total loss of 5 pounds. Wish it was more. Not sure what I am doing wrong.

Week 1 weight loss - 2.5
Week 2 weight loss - 1.5
Goals for this week- add excersie.

Today is the first day of school & the first day of my new class K/1st graders. I am really sad & not ready for my kids to move up in grades.

Doug Hall

We lost a great man last week.

E-mail #1 - Doug Hall has been in a motorcycle accident and has been medevaced to Cabell-Huntington Hospital. Please keep Doug and his family in your prayers.

E-mail #2 - Doug Hall has passed away from his injuries in a motorcycle accident and went to be with the Lord. Please keep his family in your prayers as they cope with their loss.

E-mail #3 - Douglas Ray Hall, 68, of Cross Lanes died as a result of injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident on Saturday, August 7, 2010. He was retired from Don's Disposal with 39 years of service and attended Stonewall Jackson High School. He was a lance corporal with the U.S. Marine Corps, having served in the Vietnam War, and was a life member of the Teays Valley VFW. Doug enjoyed conducting bingo at the veterans' home in Barboursville and was a member of the King's Way Christian Church in Nitro.

He touched the lives of many people and was always more than willing to help anyone in need. If he was aware of any child that needed a bicycle, he made sure they got one. Doug always had a hug for you at the exact time you needed it most. He was a wonderful husband, father, grandfather and uncle and will be sadly missed but never forgotten.

From his special niece, Jenny, and others you have touched throughout the years, "Thank you for being the dad to us that you didn't have to be."

He was preceded in death by his parents, Wesley and Kathleen Snyder Hall; brothers, John Wesley Hall, James Robert Hall and Samuel Lee Hall as an infant; grandson, Jerod Wesley Hall; granddaughter, Montana Grace; special niece, Misty Jo Gaylor; brothers-in-law, Richard O'Connor and Gary Pittman; and father- and mother-in-law, Homer and Virginia O'Connor.

Surviving: his wife of 45 years, Patricia Ann Hall; daughter, Stephanie Ann and husband, Tracy Lloyd; son, Douglas Ray Hall II and wife, Dreama; son, Steve Ray Hall and wife, Lori; foster son, Bobby Garrett; grandchildren, Allison, Boyd, Chelsea Lloyd, Michael Hall, Alexis Hall and Gracie Hall; great-grandson, Parker Boyd; and special nieces, Carol Sue Gaylor and Jenny Javins. Extended family includes brother, C.B. Hall and wife, Becky; sister, Shirley Ann Pittman and children, Crystal, Gail and Greg; sisters-in-law, Mona O'Connor, Gloria Javins and Joan Bess; brother-in-law, Bobby O'Connor and wife, Barbara; and many nieces and nephews.

Service will be 1 p.m. Thursday, August 12, at Good Shepherd Mortuary, 335 Fifth Ave., South Charleston, with the Rev. Gene Brooks officiating. Burial will be in Tyler Mountain Memory Gardens, Cross Lanes, with military graveside rites.

Friends may call from 6 to 8 p.m. Wednesday at the mortuary.

In lieu of flowers, please make donations to the family.

Day 1 of Weight Watchers: I have stayed in my points. I am really hungry &tired. Yes, I had a break down in the middle Wal-Mart.

I was given the chance to attend a youth revival at the Nazerine Church on Thurs. night. I was excited and HAPPY about going! First time I have felt those emotions about church in months.

An this Sunday Ronnie is preaching the main service and I am stuck in Wee Worship. :0( It figures- the one Sunday I want to be in service I can't be.

I carry a machete around my house. I check the bathtub for snakes, scorpians and spiders. I live in fear. And I hate it.

Extreme very emotional last 24 hours. I feel so drained and lifeless. I have no desire to see what tomorrow holds for me.

Senior minister commitee is forming tonight. Do I want to go? Um......NO!
I'll just pray for them. Hahaha

Church drama is for YOUR mama. Not mine.

I wish I had Internet access at my house. I have so many things I want to blog about but have no time when I am the libary. :0(

Moving!

Well, the big day is coming up! We stat the moving process on Saturday morning. We have stuff at four different places so we won't be getting EVERYTHING on Saturday.

I have painted and painted and just about got everything finished that I wanted to. I was going to try and push to get the kitchen finished, but have decided to wait. I want to go through the house and clean now - sweep, mop, scrub the bathroom, put the furnace covers back, electrical plates and the lights and fan blades back in place.

We are not sure yet when we will start living there. We have no bedroom furniture so we need to buy that first. (we have our eye on a set at Bog Lots that we both really like!)

I can not wait to have everything done, boxes unpacked and I can just start to enjoy my house!

Big Picture

What is the big picture in my life?
I have no clue. I have no idea what I really and truly want out of my life. I have no idea what God wants me to do.

Everyone wants me to finish my degree 'cause I am SO close!'. OK, but if I do that - then what? I have no desire to actually use what my degree will be.

I only ever did the whole college thing cause I didn't know what else to do and I wasn't just going to sit around to wait on some guy and then stay at home and produce babies. (Don't get me wrong - I can not wait for the day that I can be a stay at home mommy and wife, but now is not the time).

I changed majors to something more related with kids but even then I don't want to be the director of a preschool - that's a lot of paper work and not enough kid time! And being a Childrens minister is going to be hard when your church is falling down around you and there is no hope of ever moving to another church.

Yes, the idea of going 'back' to school to become a preschool teacher is VERY appealing. But I have to finish the first stupid degree.

Rick says that I am getting to bogged down with the little details in my life right now and that I need to pray and seek God about what the big picture in my life is.

Small and Quick

I struggle with depression. But I am not giving in. God is on my side.

After a close call of a red raised bump - the Dr. decided my tb was a negative. The bump was not big enough and only caused by the nurse who stuck me 4 TIMES!

Two weekends ago I went to TN for JBC's graduation and some quality friend time. Rick had to go to a CSF board meeting so he stayed in WV.

Monday night was the ladies banquet at Oak Grove. My mother was the main speaker and she did a super great job! I was in a small skit and did pretty good if I do say so myself! :0)

This past weekend was the annual KWCC Men's retreat. Rick, my brother, brother-in-law and father-in-law went up to camp. Even though I was a little jealous of Rick for getting to go to camp, I did have an enjoyable time. I spent time out on the Ronk farm just watching tv and vising with my parents and sister. Saturday I did some laundry at my house in Belle and then spent the afternoon painting at my house in Nitro. That evening Rebecca and I ate dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings and meet up with my sister-in-law to see Letters to Juliet. Cute but predictable! Rebecca spent the night at my house in Belle. We did the church thing and them ate Chinese for lunch - an all time favorite place to eat! We then rode to Huntington with Cindy and did some shopping and got Starbucks! The evening ended with the guys getting home and eating a homemade birthday meal for my father-in-laws 61st birthday.

My nephew is walking now! He looks so funny cause he is still short but it is SO cute!

Move in day in getting closer and closer! And it looks like I might- just might - have all my painting done in time! YEAH!

KWCC Men's softball league starts their season off tomorrow night with a double header. In celebration, I went and bought 2 of my very own lawn chairs! No more using my parents or my in-laws chairs! :0) I love softball season.

Positive or negetive?

Meet little David and his big sister Olguine. We meet them our second week in Haiti. They lost both of their parents in the earthquake and Joanne(a lady with our group) found a family in the USA who wants to adopt them. They stayed with us at our 'camp' the whole time Sarah and I were there. We all fell in love with little David and loved on him, played with him and help take of him. Both kids had a terrible cough that they couldn't seem to lose. Joanne gave them medicine and nothing seemed to help. She has finally found the problem. Here is the e-mail that Sarah, my dad and I received on Saturday:
"I just found out that David and Olguine both have TB. David's is in the tissue and Olguine's is in the lungs. I was tested too and am negative. Everyone should be tested who was around the kids when they were coughing. Sorry about the news, it is not likely that you caught it if I did not, but you should be checked out."

I am SO thankful they have finally found out what was wrong and they can now be treated! But now All of white people who played with them, ate with them, slept with them has to be tested for TB. We all went yesterday to get our little needle prick and we are now just waiting to see what to results will be on Thursday.

We found out that if you test to early after being exposed that you can test positive without really having TB. If we do test positive then we have to go and get chest ex-rays to see what those reveal.

None of us are really worried that we have it. If we do, then we do. It will just suck to have to take meds for a year, but oh well. I am only worried that if I do have it what it will mean for the daycare. I won't be able to work there or come anywhere near the daycare. And all the kids and parents will have to be told that they were exposed and go get tested. A mess that I am praying the daycare doesn't have to go through.

Getting by . . .

This is me just typing and not truly thinking about what I am saying.
I have been horrible about getting back into blogging since I have been back in the States. But I have also been horrible about getting anything else done either. I have been struggling big time with 'sadness' (or what is probably truly depression but I don't want to be like my dad so I will NOT be going to the Dr. about it.) I get SO overwhelmed with what needs to be done - from big stuff all the way down to just getting laundry done. And I don't even have a house yet! I have no idea how I am going to be able to cope once we finally move in to our house.

I have 'melt downs' at least 4 or 5 times a week. And those are just the ones that Rick knows about. I have to talk myself out of panic attacks almost every day. I don't feel like I can keep going like this. I am so far out of touch with God that I don't even know where to start to get back with Him. I want to fell happy again and live a normal life. I want to finish this stupid schooling so that I don't let people down, I want to be caught up with all my Esther bible study and I want to be able to have time to work with my pictures and not miss all these great free coupons.

Work is starting to get o me. Not the kids or the hours - my c-workers! I think that it might be time o get a job with some men around. This all women work place just isn't working for me anymore. Some think they know it all, others just want to tattle on me because I am the directors daughter and shouldn't be able to get away with things that others aren't. I didn't know about the stupid new rule!!! I was out of the country for 4 weeks helping real hurting people!! I hate waking up every morning knowing I have to go to work I can not wait for Friday to get here anymore. I used not be like that. I never cared if it was the weekend or not. I enjoyed my job and didn't mind working. If I could run the whole daycare by myself - then life would be perfect. :0)
Or at least run my own class by myself and not with some know-it-all pushy lady who also goes to our church so I have to be nice. But I am fed up with her taking over MY class and on Monday - she better watch out! Who takes 11 5 year olds outside near trees and power lines to fly 4 kites?? That was the longest hour of my life!! I have never untangled more stings and kites than I did then. We lost 3 kites - one to a tree and 2 to the power line. I was hopping MAD when we went inside! No more letting her tell me what we can or can't do!

I will be ok. I make myself get out of bed everyday even though I want to stay and never get out again. I make myself act normal around people. I have no friends just to go to in person with my struggles. I have lots of people I could call. And I have tried to pick up the phone and call, but I start to shake which then leads to crying which then leads to not being able to breathe. So needless to say, I don't call and I just wait to break down when Ricks gets home. I will get over this funk. I just hope that it is soon.

Culture Schock

Written March 14:

I have been back in the States for a month now. It has not been an easy month. This past trip to Haiti was life changing for me. I saw things that I pray I never see again. I heard stories that were heart breaking. I held babies with no one to love them.
When I was there I struggled with the question “Why God, why did you let this happen?’. I don’t have the answer; I didn’t know what to say to the people who had lost so much. All I could say was that God still loves them and He has a purpose even if we can’t see it right now.
Coming back was a real struggle for me. I didn’t want to go back to my normal everyday life again. I wanted to stay in Haiti and live and struggle just the same as the Haitian people. I wanted to show them that God still cars for them. I wanted to help feed and cloth and be there for the hurting. But I couldn’t. My time was up. I had to go back to my life and let someone else help my people.
I didn’t want to get back into my normal everyday routine. I didn’t want to eat 3 meals a day, take a shower everyday, have clothes to choose what to wear, drive a car, sleep in a safe house, go to work and make a paycheck. I didn’t want any of that! I wanted to go hungry, sleep outside, wear the same clothes for days on end and only bath once a week. Because at least I could relate and not feel guilty.

Our first day back in the States was a Sunday. Rick and I decided that we would skip Sunday school and just go to church (mainly because we didn’t get to bed till 2 am cause of delayed flights, but that is a whole other story). As we were getting ready neither one of us said much till the car ride to church. It was tough just getting ready for church. Rick took a hot shower and felt guilty, I started to eat some breakfast and felt guilty, I went to my closet to pick out some church clothes and felt guilty, and we got in our car and felt guilty. I had just left my dad and sister and they didn’t have any of that let alone the people that we were trying to help out! Going to service, seeing people with nice clothes on carrying around their coffee cups and acting like they care how your week went – made me cry. Sitting in our seats singing praise songs made me cry. Answering the question: “Did you have a good trip?” made me cry. Eating lunch at Shoney’s made me cry. It was the hardest day I have ever had. I wanted to get on a plane and go back that day!

But I couldn’t. God had placed me back in the States to tell others and make them aware of the need that is still in Haiti. I didn’t go back to work till Wednesday of that week because I wasn’t ready to talk to people about what I saw and felt. I wasn’t ready to answer: "Did you have a good time?" I wasn’t on vacation people! I spent lots of time in prayer with God trying to figure out what I needed to say and not get frustrated with stupid white people who know nothing about what it is like over there.

I know that my mission is to educate people and remind them of Haiti and not to let them forget how much help the people in Haiti need. Some days it is hard cause I forget about Haiti myself, work, marriage, buying a house, church activities – it all gets in the way just like Satan intends for it too. But I know Haiti stills needs God and Christians are going to be the only people left after all the other aid leaves the country. This is our time to step in and show them that God does love them and that He will take care of them!

Other Blog

I have created a new blog just for my trip into Haiti -

HandsforHaiti.blogspot.com/

I will update it whenever I get on the computer but I really have no idea when that will be or how often.

I will not be updating this blog until after I come back from Haiti - in 4-6 weeks.

Please continue to pray for me and my family.

Operation Haiti . . . . .

Wow, I don't even know where to begin. This has been a crazy, emotional roller coaster over the last 48 hours. The earthquake in Haiti has shook up my whole family. We just sat in shock that first evening - waiting for news from our friends - American and Haitian. Wednesday morning, my dad announces that he is raising money and supplies and is leaving Monday. I am texting with Rick and I tell him about my dad. Rick asks if I am going with my dad. He didn't ask if I was thinking about going, just am I going? I had not voiced that I had been thinking about going and wondering what can I do to help my people. Kinda freaky - totally a God thing.

Since that point - I have said 'Yes I am going!' and then wavered and said 'no, maybe I will wait and go later'. I want to go and and I truly believe that God planted the idea in my head. But I am over-thinking the situation and letting Satan throw things at me. The finances have been totally covered for my dad and I to go. So that is no longer a worry. But I just wonder if my first language will come back to me as fast as I want and need it to. I keep praying that God will just unblock my mind and that I can start speaking creole again. So far it hasn't happened.

Lots of scenarios have been discussed - including Rick going down with us next week and Sarah and Joe come in a few weeks - to just Sarah, my dad and I going now and the guys coming later - back to just my dad and me. We have not booked our tickets yet - we are waiting on word about us going over with an organization (not sure who)and will be finalizing something by tomorrow and hopefully by then we will know who is going and who is coming later.

Last February, Rick and I attended the Campus ministry conference in Gatlinburg. The speaker talked on the book of Job. (I also think that I posted a video on my very first post from that weekend) The main point of the whole weekend was asking God to break you - but don't ask if you are not ready for what God is going to do. I took that message to heart and really prayed and thought about where I am in my Christian walk with God and I eventually did pray 'God, use me, break me, I want to become wholly yours'.

Nothing happened right away and I have honestly forgot that prayer. Until yesterday. Every time I would think about not going, the phrase 'break me Lord, break me for You' kept popping into my mind. I prayed for the Lord to use me and now I have the perfect opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and completely rely on God. And I am scared to death and just want to take back my prayer and tell God to get someone else.

Another phrase keeps coming back to me 'for such a time as this . . . ' I have often wondered and questioned God about why did I live in Haiti for 12 years and then just end up living in Charleston WV living the American way of life. Why did God let my family go through all that pain just to end up back in the USA? I think that maybe I have my answer - for a time such as this. I have the resources of knowing the language and being familiar with the culture and people. This is my time to use what I have to live for God the way that He has prepared me.

My stomach has been all queasy, and I haven't been eating much. All of my stressing out and over-thinking has given me a constant headache for the past 3 days. I am ready to just go - start helping and quit thinking - just do.

I truly believe that God is working in my life right now. I am excited to go back to my home country. I am also scared out of my mind.

Pray for me.

Grandma Rodgers Update

Written by my mother-in-law:
Yesterday -
My mother passed her barium test today and can now start having pureed food. She has already had some applesauce and banana--this is the first step to getting her off the feeding tube. Also yesterday she sat on the side of the bed for quite a while (my dad's term) unassisted, and today she stood up for a few minutes with assistance.

She is in isolation, but she had the first test done today to see if she still has c-diff. She has to have 2 negatives before she can be out of isolation.

Today -
Mom's second c-diff test came back negitive so she no longer has to be in isolation. They took her to the shower and are scrubbing down her room. Great-Grandma will finally be able to go and visit her agian!

2010 . . . . so far

I have been meaning to blog for so long. I 'write' blogs in my head every day - sometimes twice a day! But they just never get typed and published. Oh Well, here is a quick run down of my life at the moment.

New Years was good. Busy with a youth group lock-in, football watching with Rick's family, and our last Christmas of the 2009 season with my Grandma Mehok and Aunt Shelia in Ohio.

I did not make any official New Years resolutions. Just a few of the same ol things, read my bible more, lose weight, be a better friend, etc. I have thought some about what this year will hold for me, and I have come up with a few things that I would like to see happen - but I always end my thoughts with a prayer to God that I know He is the one in control and things change all the stinking time that I am not even going to worry about it. My new motto this year - just take one day at a time. Just one day.

Rick and I are quickly approaching our first anniversay of marriage. Has it really only been one year? The thing I LOVE best about being married the the love of my life: falling asleep in his arms every night. Well, as long as I am not being long-distanced that night that is. :0)

Work is going good. I am still filling lots of shoes in all the class rooms and the office. Sometimes it can be stressful, but I love the change of routine. I worked with the school age a ton over Christmas break. Not my favorite age group. Ever. They drive me nuts! I have no patince for all of the tattling and fighting. I was SO happy when this past Monday the kids had to go back to school! And then, it has snowed every day this week and both Kanawha and Putnam Counties have had snow days or early out for chance of snow. And guess who gets to work with this kids when they are not in school? Yup, me. Today we had 35 kids total. That is a lot of dang kids! I had 2 of 'my' little boys duke out an argument that ended up a bloody nose from a punch to the face. I love my job. :-/

House news: we are at a slight standstill. The house needs a new roof and we are asking the seller to pay the whole cost. We still havent gotten an answer. I am honestly not stressing over it. If this is the house that God wants us to have then He will continue to open the doors. If not then He will close them at some point. I only wish I knew when I could get into the house to start painting. :0)

For my friends and prayer partners out there - I have not been feeling well the last few weeks. My mom is speculating that I have an ulcer - which could be true since I have had extreme heart burn, stress headaches, a 'burning' in my stomach and feeling nausious and just plain yucky. I have only thrown up once so far and I am watching what I eat very closy. I know that I probably should go to the DR. but with the new year starting, we have a new detuctable with our insurance. Which normally wouldn't be a big deal except that we have spent a lot of money with the house so far and will have to spend alot more in the weeks to come. So, I am holding off as long as I can and keep praying that God will heal me if this is the problem.