Friday, February 18, 2011

Really God? A baby?

As Christians, we talk about wanting to trust God with our future, following Him even though we don't know what the outcome is, etc. I have said those words even prayed them- many, many times. And I meant them. I thought. But I have learned that if you pray that pray - you better be ready for what God is going to do. Here is a story of what has been happening in my life for that past 2 months.

My period was due on or around Dec. 23. I have never been 'on time' so when I was a couple days late - no worries. But I have never been 5 days late.

On Dec. 28 I took the first pregnancy test. It was positive. I freaked out. And not the good kind of freaking out. The shaking, can't breath, how did this happen?(don't answer that!) kind of freaking out. Rick took the news much better than I did. I went through the day in a fog, cried many times, and had no idea what to do next. When I got home from work - took another test. Positive.

Dec. 29 - took a third test. Positive.

On Dec. 31 - I had a doctors appointment with my Thyroid specialist. When a person has thyroid problems and a strong family history like I do - it is very important to have your thyroid checked and leveled out. (If your thyroid levels are low, you might have problems conceiving. Or if they are high, you have a greater chance of miscarrying)
I tell the doctor that I THINK I am pregnant but not positive. After being chewed out for not coming to her before I conceived, she told me congratulations and that she would run a pregnancy test along with my other routine blood work.

Jan. 3 - The nurse calls me and confirms that I am pregnant.

On Jan. 10 - I had take a pee test at my family doctors office to get the 'Proof of Pregnancy' sheet so that I could schedule an appointment with the Birth Center. I was 7 weeks along.

Oh my goodness. I am really pregnant. I am really going to have a baby and be a mom. I am not ready for this!! This is not the time yet! We had a plan and a baby was not in the picture! I am not ready to be a mom. What is God thinking?????
These were just a few of the things that went through my mind. Rick had to remind me over and over again that this is what God must want. God is in control. We have no idea why, but God wants this baby to be born to us, right now. We have to trust Him. That is really hard to do when it comes to making another human being!

Call it hormones or whatever you want but for those few weeks, my emotions were like a roller coaster. Some days I would be SUPER excited and happy about the baby. The next day - I wouldn't even want to say out loud that I was having a baby hoping that this was all a dream and I just needed to wake up.

Thankfully I have leveled out and for 90% of the time, I am happy and can't wait for August to get here so that can hold and see my beautiful baby. The other 10% is me freaking out that I have no idea what I am doing I just pray that I don't ruin this baby's life! :0)

There is more to the story and I will finish it. But in another blog.

**Disclaimer: When we were in Vegas, my dad was telling people that he was praying we were making him a grandpa on our trip. We both got very upset with him cause that is just very weird and awkward to be going around saying.
Even though I do not know (even if I did, would I really tell you?)when we actually made this baby - the time line shows that it happened AFTER we got home from our trip out west.