Last weekend, Rick and I went to the Campus Ministry Collegiate Conference in Gatlinburg TN. We went down early and saw my family. This was my third time attending and every year I come away with something deep to think and pray about. This year the speaker was someone I have heard speak multiple times, Mark Nelson. He is a great teacher and he has always made me think. He spoke on the four Moves of Nehemiah and covered the whole book. 1) a move to a broken heart (Chap 1-2) 2) the move to rebuild the wall (Chap 2-6) 3) a move back to God (Chap 7-9) and 4) the move to responsibility (Chap 9-13). On the first move, Mark showed a video that really had an impact on me.
As I watched it, I just realized how selfish and how focused on 'me' that I have become. I have forgotten that there are hurting and hungry people in the world. Mark was saying that Christians need to pray the prayer of 'Lord, break my heart for the things that break yours'. But don't pray that unless you really, truly mean it. Cause God will break your heart and you will be moved into action. I sat there and had tears in my eyes, cause I couldn't pray that. Not yet. I have been praying for God to change me and I am trying to let go of what control I think that I have in my life. But I am still struggling with letting go completely. I want to so bad . . . . . . but am scared.